her facebook's as public as her vagina
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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