y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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