I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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