I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
