He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
