Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
