ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
