The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
