my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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