i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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