You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize