i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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