is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
