Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
