jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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