She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
