I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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