hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
God, I missed his penis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
