Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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