I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
