??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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