sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
