When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
