This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
