I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
