the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
