i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
