My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize