DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
