Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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