I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
