I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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