I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
