Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
