woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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