Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
