I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
