I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Randomize
