Dual....:-)
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
