you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
