Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
