The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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