Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she looked like the before picture.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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