Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
