Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize