Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
