I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
