Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
