Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize