life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize