I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
