went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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