He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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