only you would photoshop your dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
