he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
