Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't deserve a penis
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
