i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
