I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
