if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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