he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
