I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
