I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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