Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
