the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
