I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
