i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Randomize
