So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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