Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry about my life...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
