i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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