she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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