im six kinds of drunk right now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
