if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
