this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
