Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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