I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
